Swimming
Water is wet. Sometimes it isn't I suppose like when it is cold and it freezes into ice or snow crystals. I like water when it is actually snow crystals. That's the best. I know what to do with that. Wet water is more of a conundrum. I like to drink it. It can be good for bathing. My plants seem to like it when I remember to douse them with water.
To be surrounded by lots of wet water though is a totally different matter. I've spent nearly 40 years avoiding that. It was easy when I was a child as there was no pool in my neighborhood and the creek near my house wasn't even knee deep. Oh sure there was the occasional trip to the nearest town that had a pool. My brother would sometimes ask to go and I was usually stupid enough to tag along. Not sure why as I always hated it and the day was marked by my brother sneaking up on me about a zillion times and holding me under the water while I thrashed around. As an adult I just stayed out of the water.
At some point I made a vow to myself that I would learn to swim when I turned 40. I don't think I ever told anyone that so it would have been easy to get out of the promise. No one would have called me out. I guess that's not my style though as I started to think more and more about it as the days to 40 grew less and less. Eventually I decided to ask for a recommendation on a instructor so I could live up to my promise.
Still it would have been easy to never go farther than that . . . . lose the email, never find the time, forget . . . . a zillion excuses exist to not face your fears. However, deep down I knew that I wasn't the same person who failed miserably at trying to learn to swim 20 years ago. Age gives you the ability to face your fears better as you've had to many more times. Age makes you realize that you can do things that are difficult and you also realize it's okay if it is hard and you struggle to learn and it will even be okay if you can't do it. This knowledge makes it possible to take the first steps toward conquering a fear -- a fear that really is pretty inconsequential in the scheme of things. You can face this so you send the email, set a date and move forward.
That doesn't mean that on the day that has been set to start the process that you aren't crazy nervous. You have the nervous stomach like you might get if this was your first big race and everyone around you seems to be more prepared. You're hit with the strong desire to back out and maybe even run and hide. But you don't because you know that you want to do this and no matter the outcome that it will be better to try.
Fast forward a couple of months and it's hard to believe that you actually felt so nervous the first day you went to the pool and committed yourself to learning to swim. It's almost funny . . . I mean it's just you and one instructor so I'm sure he'd notice if you were about to drown . . . not to mention that the practice pool has a maximum depth of 5 feet so you can just stand up when the going gets tough.
And you're going and you're taking the challenge and every week poses a new challenge but the kind of challenge that leaves you feeling exhilarated afterwards. It's hard to imagine that you would be so excited after each lesson. Not that things have become easy. Forty years of fear and loathing don't evaporate that quickly. But there is progress and it is exciting. More progress than could have been imagined. In the best case scenario it seemed that 8 lessons would get you to floating . . . hopefully.
To think that in that time you would be able to link together a series of freestyle strokes that would take you across the practice pool . . . that actually would have been unimaginable. Yet that is where I'm at. Not that the strokes are pretty or that they are easy. The style of swimming is frenetic at best but it is swimming. It is also very scary. Somehow the brain easily and quickly forgets that you're in 5 feet deep water with a swim instructor standing close by.
Instead the mind is racing and the heart is pounding and all you can think is that you need to link all these movements together while taking in air and not freaking out about the water in your nose. It's such a crazy intense feeling and you're trying to stay relaxed in the water all the while your brain is screaming out at you that you're going to die. And you're turning it off and just making yourself do the strokes and you get to the end of the pool and you pray that you don't have to do it again. It's too hard. It's too scary. You can't do it. But then you do it one more time . . . and again . . . and again. And it's exciting and you can't believe that you were really swimming.
Still in the back of the head it can be hard to believe that you will be able to recreate those moments. But you want to so you visualize yourself doing it and you think about the motions and you think about trying to be relaxed. And the next thing you know you're excited at the idea of going to the pool and giving it another try. The mind still thinks that you've plateaued and this is it and that maybe you won't make the next step in the process. Still you know you've thought that before and still you've made progress.
It's an exciting adventure . . . and it's fun . . . and it's scary . . . and it's heart racing, gasping for air . . . insanity. And it requires a good coach who is part swim instructor part relaxation expert and part psychologist.
That's swimming for me . . . people ask if I'm going to do a triathlon. That still seems scary and like something that is far off in the future. I hope to get there as it will be a statement of how far I've come. I'm starting to believe that I will one day at least be able to go kayaking or canoeing without worrying that someone will have to save me.
To be surrounded by lots of wet water though is a totally different matter. I've spent nearly 40 years avoiding that. It was easy when I was a child as there was no pool in my neighborhood and the creek near my house wasn't even knee deep. Oh sure there was the occasional trip to the nearest town that had a pool. My brother would sometimes ask to go and I was usually stupid enough to tag along. Not sure why as I always hated it and the day was marked by my brother sneaking up on me about a zillion times and holding me under the water while I thrashed around. As an adult I just stayed out of the water.
At some point I made a vow to myself that I would learn to swim when I turned 40. I don't think I ever told anyone that so it would have been easy to get out of the promise. No one would have called me out. I guess that's not my style though as I started to think more and more about it as the days to 40 grew less and less. Eventually I decided to ask for a recommendation on a instructor so I could live up to my promise.
Still it would have been easy to never go farther than that . . . . lose the email, never find the time, forget . . . . a zillion excuses exist to not face your fears. However, deep down I knew that I wasn't the same person who failed miserably at trying to learn to swim 20 years ago. Age gives you the ability to face your fears better as you've had to many more times. Age makes you realize that you can do things that are difficult and you also realize it's okay if it is hard and you struggle to learn and it will even be okay if you can't do it. This knowledge makes it possible to take the first steps toward conquering a fear -- a fear that really is pretty inconsequential in the scheme of things. You can face this so you send the email, set a date and move forward.
That doesn't mean that on the day that has been set to start the process that you aren't crazy nervous. You have the nervous stomach like you might get if this was your first big race and everyone around you seems to be more prepared. You're hit with the strong desire to back out and maybe even run and hide. But you don't because you know that you want to do this and no matter the outcome that it will be better to try.
Fast forward a couple of months and it's hard to believe that you actually felt so nervous the first day you went to the pool and committed yourself to learning to swim. It's almost funny . . . I mean it's just you and one instructor so I'm sure he'd notice if you were about to drown . . . not to mention that the practice pool has a maximum depth of 5 feet so you can just stand up when the going gets tough.
And you're going and you're taking the challenge and every week poses a new challenge but the kind of challenge that leaves you feeling exhilarated afterwards. It's hard to imagine that you would be so excited after each lesson. Not that things have become easy. Forty years of fear and loathing don't evaporate that quickly. But there is progress and it is exciting. More progress than could have been imagined. In the best case scenario it seemed that 8 lessons would get you to floating . . . hopefully.
To think that in that time you would be able to link together a series of freestyle strokes that would take you across the practice pool . . . that actually would have been unimaginable. Yet that is where I'm at. Not that the strokes are pretty or that they are easy. The style of swimming is frenetic at best but it is swimming. It is also very scary. Somehow the brain easily and quickly forgets that you're in 5 feet deep water with a swim instructor standing close by.
Instead the mind is racing and the heart is pounding and all you can think is that you need to link all these movements together while taking in air and not freaking out about the water in your nose. It's such a crazy intense feeling and you're trying to stay relaxed in the water all the while your brain is screaming out at you that you're going to die. And you're turning it off and just making yourself do the strokes and you get to the end of the pool and you pray that you don't have to do it again. It's too hard. It's too scary. You can't do it. But then you do it one more time . . . and again . . . and again. And it's exciting and you can't believe that you were really swimming.
Still in the back of the head it can be hard to believe that you will be able to recreate those moments. But you want to so you visualize yourself doing it and you think about the motions and you think about trying to be relaxed. And the next thing you know you're excited at the idea of going to the pool and giving it another try. The mind still thinks that you've plateaued and this is it and that maybe you won't make the next step in the process. Still you know you've thought that before and still you've made progress.
It's an exciting adventure . . . and it's fun . . . and it's scary . . . and it's heart racing, gasping for air . . . insanity. And it requires a good coach who is part swim instructor part relaxation expert and part psychologist.
That's swimming for me . . . people ask if I'm going to do a triathlon. That still seems scary and like something that is far off in the future. I hope to get there as it will be a statement of how far I've come. I'm starting to believe that I will one day at least be able to go kayaking or canoeing without worrying that someone will have to save me.
posted by MadCross at 5:38 PM
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