Crisis of Faith
First off, let me say that I really have good intentions of getting back to a frequent blogging schedule. However, my life still seemed a bit crazy last week and I wasn't in a blogging mood I guess. Work was crazy and that is my excuse for being lame . . . but then I try not to blog about work so on to more interesting topics.
So I had a "Crisis of Faith" this week . . . no, not the religious kind. I've been having that kind of crisis of faith since I memorized and recited the whole chapter of John in grade school (for the record I did that because someone said it would be impossible and that pissed me off and I wanted to prove them wrong. No I haven't changed much and yes I won a leather bound bible with my name embossed in gold).
Anyway, back to my modern day "Crisis of Faith". So on all my road rides I haven't been all that excited about getting started with any road racing or really even big rides but I chalked that up to just needing to get out mountain biking. However, last Thursday I hit the trails at Quarry Ridge with some FORCs teammates and I felt like I had totally lost my mountain bike mojo (probably from not going last year realistically).
I was also feeling down on myself because I hadn't gotten everything done training wise I wanted. My rides were more or less what they needed to be but I didn't get any runs in and only one core workout. So I started to question the whole point of the training and why I was even bothering to delude myself into thinking I could turn myself into an elite cross racer.
I mean sometimes you have to ask yourself what you're thinking if after 16 years of racing you haven't made it to that level or really even that close to that level. Maybe it just isn't going to happen. Then I started wondering if the pursuit of that goal was even worth it. I will spend a lot of money this year chasing after that dream - coaching fees, $150 UCI license, gas, food, lodging, airline tickets, equipment. The list of expenses is very long. Is it really worth it to give up vacations, house repairs, eating out, and other things I sometimes want to spend money on? That's a hard question to answer but since I'm turning 37 this year I feel like if I want to try I really shouldn't put it off any longer. Plus I still feel cheated out of the one year where I thought maybe I was going to do well.
Plus I realize that some of my feelings are because everyone is in a different place than I am in their fitness. I've just completed my first 4 weeks of base while most people are already in full racing mode or are about to start. And it was my decision to approach the season that way. I wanted to nordic ski all winter and forget about the bike. A few years back I tried taking the approach of the "normal" cyclist and trained all winter. I did the 3+ hour rides in February. I never missed a ride and never cut it short. And in the end I had great fitness but I never had a good race (well, one road race went okay but that was it). I actually despised racing that year and almost didn't do Chequamegon (who can imagine that!).
Anyway, this post is kind of a downer, huh?!?! In more entertaining news I went to an all cyclist cook out last night. The food was great, the company was excellent and no one was injured. That was some good times.
This week the Practice Crits start which is a time honored Madison tradition. I will once again be the Chief of Corner Guard Volunteers which means I will be begging, pleading and cajoling racers into doing their civic duty by standing in a driveway and directing traffic. Last year we had about 130 racers participate and of those about 45 never volunteered even once, about 35 only volunteered one night and a mere 7 people volunteered 4+ times. Pathetic. Things are going to be different this year!
So I had a "Crisis of Faith" this week . . . no, not the religious kind. I've been having that kind of crisis of faith since I memorized and recited the whole chapter of John in grade school (for the record I did that because someone said it would be impossible and that pissed me off and I wanted to prove them wrong. No I haven't changed much and yes I won a leather bound bible with my name embossed in gold).
Anyway, back to my modern day "Crisis of Faith". So on all my road rides I haven't been all that excited about getting started with any road racing or really even big rides but I chalked that up to just needing to get out mountain biking. However, last Thursday I hit the trails at Quarry Ridge with some FORCs teammates and I felt like I had totally lost my mountain bike mojo (probably from not going last year realistically).
I was also feeling down on myself because I hadn't gotten everything done training wise I wanted. My rides were more or less what they needed to be but I didn't get any runs in and only one core workout. So I started to question the whole point of the training and why I was even bothering to delude myself into thinking I could turn myself into an elite cross racer.
I mean sometimes you have to ask yourself what you're thinking if after 16 years of racing you haven't made it to that level or really even that close to that level. Maybe it just isn't going to happen. Then I started wondering if the pursuit of that goal was even worth it. I will spend a lot of money this year chasing after that dream - coaching fees, $150 UCI license, gas, food, lodging, airline tickets, equipment. The list of expenses is very long. Is it really worth it to give up vacations, house repairs, eating out, and other things I sometimes want to spend money on? That's a hard question to answer but since I'm turning 37 this year I feel like if I want to try I really shouldn't put it off any longer. Plus I still feel cheated out of the one year where I thought maybe I was going to do well.
Plus I realize that some of my feelings are because everyone is in a different place than I am in their fitness. I've just completed my first 4 weeks of base while most people are already in full racing mode or are about to start. And it was my decision to approach the season that way. I wanted to nordic ski all winter and forget about the bike. A few years back I tried taking the approach of the "normal" cyclist and trained all winter. I did the 3+ hour rides in February. I never missed a ride and never cut it short. And in the end I had great fitness but I never had a good race (well, one road race went okay but that was it). I actually despised racing that year and almost didn't do Chequamegon (who can imagine that!).
Anyway, this post is kind of a downer, huh?!?! In more entertaining news I went to an all cyclist cook out last night. The food was great, the company was excellent and no one was injured. That was some good times.
This week the Practice Crits start which is a time honored Madison tradition. I will once again be the Chief of Corner Guard Volunteers which means I will be begging, pleading and cajoling racers into doing their civic duty by standing in a driveway and directing traffic. Last year we had about 130 racers participate and of those about 45 never volunteered even once, about 35 only volunteered one night and a mere 7 people volunteered 4+ times. Pathetic. Things are going to be different this year!
posted by MadCross at 11:48 AM
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