Crazy Night
Tonight was the usual Tuesday night fast group ride. I didn't want to go but I had a group ride on my training plan so I sucked it up and went. It's kind of funny how things work out though.
I was feeling really negative about riding before Dave and I left. I believe I told him that I was going to give up riding completely. I tried to blame the weather as it was hotter and more humid today (plus my office is freezing cold and when I got outside and it's hot it makes me feel ill).
Anyway, I went to the ride. Usual fast guys. Arietta was there so I wasn't the only chick this week. I already had decided I didn't want to do the whole ride. Given the mood I was in I'm surprised I went on the ride at all.
Not too long into the ride and the pace is picked up and the group is strung out. Realistically I could have stayed with them if I would have given more effort but I didn't. I was happy to be on my own. Of course, that only lasts for awhile before you regret letting the group go. However, I felt like I was riding like crap and just felt horrible. I told myself to stick to my planned route. At one point I actually felt like crying.
Then I had an epiphany. I realized that the problem wasn't all the myriad of things I was blaming (such as sucking as a rider, terminal illness, impending death) but that I was having a little anxiety attack. I have to say that riding while you're having an anxiety attack is not the easiest thing to do. I started to recognize the symptoms from a several day anxiety bout I had earlier this year.
Once I realized that was what was going on I started feeling a little better. Not great or anything but better. I also realized that I needed to stop thinking about all the things that I need to get done that aren't done as it was making me feel worse and worse.
Soon thereafter I came to intersection and took a wrong turn. Ooops. After a little while I think to myself that I'm riding towards Belleville not Paoli which means I'm not getting closer to Madison. That makes me laugh as that is a pretty typical thing for me to do. Taking a wrong turn makes me feel good though as for some reason I was highly amused by this turn of events. Luckily it's not a big deal as it allows me to get on the road I'd originally been thinking of taking anyway.
What happens next? Here comes the lead group from the ride . . . and they are hauling. I see that Dave is hanging on at the back. No jumping on that group as they are flying by me. A few more riders go by at way too high a speed for me. Then along comes a group of 3 and I jump on their wheels. I'm back on the group ride and now I'm feeling good.
I actually made it all the way back home with my group and we even picked up a couple more along the way. It's amazing how you can turn a ride around. Luckily kharma was on my side and I took a little wrong turn and got to reinterate the group. Just what I needed!
Sure I still have a lot of things that I need to get done but at least I'm not totally stressed out about it right now. Hopefully I can get a couple of things checked off the list before this weekend so they aren't stressing me out. And now I can say that I did this week's training just as Ben had planned. That ought to give him a shock!
Life is funny.
I was feeling really negative about riding before Dave and I left. I believe I told him that I was going to give up riding completely. I tried to blame the weather as it was hotter and more humid today (plus my office is freezing cold and when I got outside and it's hot it makes me feel ill).
Anyway, I went to the ride. Usual fast guys. Arietta was there so I wasn't the only chick this week. I already had decided I didn't want to do the whole ride. Given the mood I was in I'm surprised I went on the ride at all.
Not too long into the ride and the pace is picked up and the group is strung out. Realistically I could have stayed with them if I would have given more effort but I didn't. I was happy to be on my own. Of course, that only lasts for awhile before you regret letting the group go. However, I felt like I was riding like crap and just felt horrible. I told myself to stick to my planned route. At one point I actually felt like crying.
Then I had an epiphany. I realized that the problem wasn't all the myriad of things I was blaming (such as sucking as a rider, terminal illness, impending death) but that I was having a little anxiety attack. I have to say that riding while you're having an anxiety attack is not the easiest thing to do. I started to recognize the symptoms from a several day anxiety bout I had earlier this year.
Once I realized that was what was going on I started feeling a little better. Not great or anything but better. I also realized that I needed to stop thinking about all the things that I need to get done that aren't done as it was making me feel worse and worse.
Soon thereafter I came to intersection and took a wrong turn. Ooops. After a little while I think to myself that I'm riding towards Belleville not Paoli which means I'm not getting closer to Madison. That makes me laugh as that is a pretty typical thing for me to do. Taking a wrong turn makes me feel good though as for some reason I was highly amused by this turn of events. Luckily it's not a big deal as it allows me to get on the road I'd originally been thinking of taking anyway.
What happens next? Here comes the lead group from the ride . . . and they are hauling. I see that Dave is hanging on at the back. No jumping on that group as they are flying by me. A few more riders go by at way too high a speed for me. Then along comes a group of 3 and I jump on their wheels. I'm back on the group ride and now I'm feeling good.
I actually made it all the way back home with my group and we even picked up a couple more along the way. It's amazing how you can turn a ride around. Luckily kharma was on my side and I took a little wrong turn and got to reinterate the group. Just what I needed!
Sure I still have a lot of things that I need to get done but at least I'm not totally stressed out about it right now. Hopefully I can get a couple of things checked off the list before this weekend so they aren't stressing me out. And now I can say that I did this week's training just as Ben had planned. That ought to give him a shock!
Life is funny.
posted by MadCross at 10:02 PM
1 Comments:
Aw, Mark got my bike! I wanted that green Kona so bad. But I hear the Fuji looks fast ;-)
I'm hoping to come to Madison and race again this year. I really do love Madison (if I ever lose my job, just that gluten-free restaurant is enough to get me to move!). I think it's wonderful how supportive the WI community is of newer CX riders/racers.
BTW, don't you find that doing a solo ride eases your mind? When I'm upset or having a bad day or just really down (even about riding), I just have to go for a ride to feel better. Doing a group ride just makes me more upset and feeling like I suck (of course, I usually can't get back on like you did-I can see how that would help!!).
See you later this fall.
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